trading

longings(things that remind us that we are going to die):

Well, there's lightning at dusk in the desert to start. And hot feet at night when the breeze won't stir and you can't find a cool side of the pillow. Watching a room go dark? Yeah. And cows standing on Horse Heaven hill in all the sagebrush. Russian Olives down by the river always get me. There is something about their smell, isn't there. Running out of the ocean as it starts to rain and then standing on the front porch, covered in sand and shivering while you wait for everyone else to take their turn in the shower. Ohh. That's a good one. How about laying in the dark, praying that Jesus won't come back til after summer camp. The smell of tomato plants. Train tracks. Falling asleep while my mom vaccuums in the other room. Gramcracker singing cowboy songs. You.

& comforts(things that distract us from the fact that we are going to die):

Tea! Sad songs, strangely enough. A row of apple trees. Finding lipstick in the bottom of my bag. I guess I wouldn't know about that one. No, I guess not. Clean laundry, the way my mother smells. Eating rice out of a bowl with a spoon. Falling asleep on the couch during a movie. Chocolate cake for lunch and wearing your favorite underwear. Blankets made of smooth fabric. The sound of bicycle spokes and orange flowers and words that rhyme. The cinnamon rolls my mom bakes and cold cokes and watermelon and peach pie. Trees with leaves and birds flapping their wings in the dust. Gin and tonic and dancing all night. Green dresses! Cute boys! Cowboy movies, record players and drum sticks. Beautiful girls with yellow hair. You.

essential

Beverly Rollwagen

She just wants to keep her essential
sorrow. Everyone wants her to
be happy all the time, but she doesn't
want that for them. There is value in
the thread of sadness in each person.
The sobbing child on an airplane,
the unhappy woman waiting by the phone,
a man staring out the window past his wife.
A violin plays through all of them,
one long note held at the beginning and
the end.

guess what!

Squirrel, that hard-hearted nut, has a crush on a real live boy!

And boy, is he dreamy!

Let's just hope he doesn't say "I find your beauty and brilliance off-putting."

confessions #4-9

#4. I had to meet a man on the street corner to give him something for my boss. He sort of grunted at me as he took then envelope and then stopped and said You know what? You look like my ex-wife. I think she was wearing that same dress when I picked her up for our first date in 1974 and then we went our separate ways. This interaction, not suprisingly, made me cry.

#5. I'm thinking of moving to Paris. Or maybe Buenos Aires.

#6. When Justice popped the question, AC said that she'd want to date Bono if he were taller and Squirrel said Usher with his shirt off. I said either Sam Beam or Eddie Vedder, depending on the weather.

#7. If I could, I'd erase certain people from my life and memory. And I wouldn't say goodbye.

#8. In 7th grade I pretended to be from Turkmenistan and spoke with a funny accent and only wore the color green. I'm about to pick this up again.

#9. Nostalgia has a strong grip on me already, but summers are particularly bad.

Gee, You're So Beautiful that it's Starting to Rain

Richard Brautigan

Oh, Marcia,
I want your long blonde beauty
to be taught in high school,
so kids will learn that God
lives like music in the skin
and sounds like a sunshine harpsichord.
I want high school report cards
to look like this:

Play with Gentle Glass Things A

Computer Magic A

Writing Letter to Those You Love A

Finding out about Fish A

Marcia’s Long Blonde Beauty A+!

this is what we look like when we brush our hair

hyperbole casts a long shadow

It took forever to get to work this morning.

I didn't sleep a wink at all last night.

I look like I've been run over by a bus.

It's hotter than the boiling point of tungsten.