greener grass, under the snow

It is a day in a day -- a cummings sort of day the sends my dad straight to quoting i thank you god for most this amazing day and my mom into the garden. The kind of day that drives everyone up from their desks and out the door, sporting equipment in hand. If you're not careful, this day will add a bounce to your step as it turns the young man's fancy to love. There are robins on every branch of every tree.

I am looking out the window, though, wishing for a meadow covered in snow with a dark brown dog ambling down the rickety line of the old wood fence. You know, the fence along the far edge of the meadow where the trees grow and then thicken to a forest. And if that is not enough to wish for (o greedy heart!) I want a quilt made of green and orange patches around my shoulders and a grey grey sky. Finally, I'd like a small cardinal to land on the window sill just as Will Oldham walks in the room and hands me a mug of red rose tea with splash of milk and then starts to sing One with the Birds.

love will tear us apart again

my love for my sister is fierce and irritable.
my love for my parents is the sympathetic nervous system.
my love for squirrel can't keep secrets.
my love for crazy a is an egg timer that always flips over as the last grains filter down.
my love for my grandmother wears gold shoes.
my love for my husband smells like limes and grapefruit.
my love for little rat keeps me awake at night and brings me tea in the morning.
my love for my brother is an inside joke, too smart for everyone else.
my love for charles rides the rails, surviving on biscuits and ham.
my love for my enemy picks fights just to make peace.
my love for my boss works overtime.
my love for my neighbor hides under the bed.
my love for my bus driver is born of necessity.
my love for norman mourns the rain.
my love for myself is supposed to die.

all these years i've been moonlighting as a mimic

Squirrel snorted and maybe spit milk all over when I told her that it might be that I lost my personality when I turned 25. She chalked it up to melodrama too and the possibility that I was confusing this with an inability to lay my hands on those damn keys every morning when it's time to run for the bus. You can't lose your personality the way you lose your wallet or shoes after too many martinis. You can lose your teeth and your hearing, your virginity, your sanity, and your ability to run a 4 minute mile...but who's ever heard of losing your personality? Do you mean your identity-like your social security number? Maybe you have to face the facts that you never had one to begin with. (That's how Squirrel shows concern: equal parts derision and laughter.)

###

If it weren't for my mother's weak heart I'd take a foreign lover and move to Brooklyn. Ettienne & I would spend our days lounging in bed in our underwear, drinking red wine and smoking gauloises. Reading Le Figaro, too. If it weren't for my father's relentless limp Phileas Fogg & I would fire up the hot air balloon and sail away, cutting the ropes and watching the sandbags smack the backs of the circling sharks in sea below.

###

Last night we went to Dios es Amor Iglesia around the corner where the women in long skirts and men with moustaches sell pupusas real cheap. After giving our order we sat in sky blue room at a long table with people eating food from Styrofoam bowls. The walls were cracked and all the appliances were mismatched except in their humming and smoking. The air conditioning unit strapped to the ledge over the door leaked rusty water on my head. Streaks of everything swirling around me I could understand: the smells, the fistful of dollars collected by the man with the calculator, the chatter of the little kids and their tamarind juice. A couple to my right and two solitary men to my left and I've never studied their language beyond the CD that promised to teach me how to communicate from the safety of the driver's seat in rush hour. Mira los colores de mi vida. Una mesa para dos por favor -- that's it. But what I'm trying to tell you is that I've been in that room most of my life.

A real martyr for love knows not to wear pink and red together.

don't leave your paper heart in the rain

I have bound his name
in strings of invectives,
doused it in alcohol,
set it alight with new &
foreign flames.

tuoi occhi mi hanno stregato

Gone to Italy.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21

For Thursday, November 2 -You will be surrounded by masculine energy today, and you will find it inspiring. The competition hasn't started yet, but you are focused on putting yourself in a good position to be the victor. Watching aggressive activity and fierce athletic abilities will be like watching a beautiful ballet. Get ready to understand a bright new side of the men you care most about.