shopping

On my way home last night, I stopped at the grocery store where Rat works to find out when he'd be home. My parents are in St. Maybe for the weekend, which means that I am in charge of Little Rat, who is in charge of Max & Henry and keeping the stove burning. This past week he has worked 43 hours -- 43 hours of slicing deli meat and offering samples to customers who don't care so much about his quirky kindness as they do getting their bologna and going home.

Often, I can stand behind the gourmet olive bar and watch him, so intent on packaging a perfect pound of Amish potato salad, for 5 or 10 minutes before he sees me. He is the tallest -- and youngest -- person behind the counter by far. His colleagues are mostly middle age women with so many troubles and children that Peter can't keep track, try as he might. Earlier this fall, his car was in the shop so I sat in the parking lot one night, waiting for him to come out from his closing shift. Well past midnight, I sat there fuming over my own lost sleep (he is a well known dawdler...), preparing a talking to about being considerate and using your cell phone to let people know about changing plans. When he finally walked out his black apron was folded perfectly and hanging over his long, thin arm. Behind him, a dumpy and tired looking woman followed a few yards behind. I rolled down the window, and opened my mouth to let him have it. Kathy, I'm sorry I'm late. The manager made me stay late because 2 people didn't come in tonight. This is my friend from the deli. Can we take her home? Her son stole her car and she doesn't know where he is now. So much salt and light. What could I do but unlock the doors?

Last night, customers were 3 deep across the counter, though, so I walked up to the far end, by the cooler case of hummus and brie and called out his name. I get out of here at 6:00. Do you want to me to buy you dinner? You know I will, Nurse Kathy. It's okay, Rat. I've got stuff to make good food at home. You just come home ok? Ok! See you tonight. Love you! The old man next to me looked first at me and then at Rat, who was holding up a slice of BBQ loaf for the man to approve the thickness. The man nodded his approval and then said "Looks like you're really lucky to have a date tonight with such a pretty young lady." Little Rat pushed the button on the scale, waited for the label to print out, and then handed the meticulously folded bag to the old man with a smile. Kathy's just my sister, sir. I know that there's no one out there for me in the universe, but that's okay. You have a nice weekend and enjoy your holiday, sir.

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We went in to buy lemons, capers, and raspberry sorbet -- the things one needs for an impromptu dinner party. Randomly we roamed through the aisles, laughing & talking about the past few weeks, paying little attention to the list or the other shoppers. Even so we noticed the couple right away, standing by the pyramid of citrus fruit, their heads close as they peered over the list in her hand. In condiment aisle, we waited patiently for him, his sweater the color of butter, his hair the color of snow, to move his cart aside so we could pass. In the juice aisle, we met again, and I saw that she was both truly ancient and truly beautiful - with lips the color of raspberries and skin like a burnished peach, thick silver hair twisted into a chignon. Finally, at the far end of the cleaning aisle we collided. Squirrel, all jokes and PR savvy, said Uh oh. I guess the secrets out that we've been following you two around the store. Oh no! We love to see beautiful young people enjoying themselves! Reminds of us when we were young, she said. Besides, he said, we don't know where we're going any way! Squirrel laughed and bid them Merry Christmas while I hurried down the detergent aisle. On my own birthday, these beautiful ancient people, the fleetingness of youth, the looming specters of regret & heartbreak filled my throat and eyes a bit and I didn't see the puddle of Tide in the middle of the floor. Thankfully, when I started to slip, Squirrel was right there behind me, ready to steady and then walk through the store some more.