On Saturday I cleaned my room from top to bottom, scoured it. I lined my books up along the shelves, ordering them by genre, theme, color, size, by their place in my heart. I hung up the pink dress I wore on the date with the airline pilot last week and folded the black shirt I've been sleeping in all summer. Bank statements, post cards, love letters, scraps of paper scribbled with phone numbers, directions, ideas - these I read & reread, shredded, filed, pitched. By the end of the day the 3 windows sparkled in their clean sills, the crisp orange sheets on my bed folded into hospital corners.
And now I am wondering if it is possible to do such a thorough cleaning of the rest of my messes -- to rout out these bad habits cluttering my life and stack them in a neat little (big) pile: chewing on my fingers; leaving wet towels on the floor; preferring books to people; my caginess & snobbery; the way I leave good friends & refuse to to let go of the bad ones; losing things; biting people; procrastinating; crying & swearing; my reckless driving.
I will sweep them up and set them on the curb, contained and waiting to be hauled off in a big truck to a place I never have to see. Then I will sit very quiet and still in my clean room with my clean fingernails and my pristine heart, not moving a muscle for fear of making a mess that I can't undo, that won't go away with any amount of scrubbing.
2 comments:
you bite people?
yes, she does. and she also cleans her room into "piles"...piles of books, of papers, of fingernail polish and earrings. all piles. piles nong would come in once a week and straighten up.
at least you gave her your bedspread when you left.
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