today, today i am okay with being a sentimental hack

The Sea and Sky have traded places today and misty grey-blue air swirls around our heads in waves. Walking down the street feels like swimming only better because the air rushes into your lungs instead of out and you float up instead of sinking to the bottom where there is no light by which to read the map's particular xs and os.

I love paper too much. My palms fall for the smooth flat expanses-- the way the fiber meets the ridges of my fingers, promising me something, all the while knowing that I won't deliver.

Last night he said I don't embrace the things I truly want and something else, something about my beautiful scar and how lovely is the word bruise. I knew what he was saying about the insecurity and the allure of failure in our personal lives, our professional pursuits; how theory seems the safest, easiest route up and out of our paralytic valleys; the appeal of solipsism and staying alone. It is the action & the choosing that will deliver us to high places when the rains start, though. I know this to be true and can't unknow it so I find a stamp this morning and send away for an answer to a question that I've asked everyone but myself.

If you are looking for something to cling to, try this:

Avogadro's Constant (a mole) = 6.002214179 x 10^23

A mole of hydrogen molecules = 6.002214179 x 10^23 Hydrogen molecules
A mole of shiny green apples = 6.002214179 x 10^23 shiny green apples

If you are looking for something to make you feel small, try this:

In the known universe there are about 4 x 10^22 observable stars (which is only about 1/10th of a mole). Still, if there were only 3 bumble bees flying over the sky stretching over the continent of Europe, the sky stretching over the continent of Europe would be more densely packed with bumble bees than the universe is packed with stars.